Annoying the Characters
by Kaline Reine
Summary: Watch as Kaline Reine goes on a mission to Konoha to annoy the Naruto characters! ;D I was going to use one of the Kunoichi, but I couldn't find one annoying enough. And I didn't want to offend anyone... Lots of immature adult humor! READ IT!


**Annoying the Characters Part 1:**

**WARNINGS: I will tell you now... This WILL offend you! I used references to a lot of offensive things, but this is basically just one giant joke people! Not to be taken seriously... There are no serious pairings, but somewhat of hints of pairings, sort of. You'll see what I mean! May contain slight Uchihacest and other gross stuffs. XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, anything to do with the show, Peewee Herman, Pinnochio, Labyrinth, or Jerry Springer. Don't ask, you'll just have to read it to figure out why I am putting these names in the disclaimer... Lol!**

Kaline: Well, here I am in Konoha... My goal... Is to make everyone I encounter say "WTF?! No!" in absolute horror. I will accomplish this mission by annoying the living hell out of them. Wait a minute, is that Sai?!

Sai: (smiles evilly)

Kaline: Riiiiight. Well, hi Sai! Uhm... I need to tell you something... Your drawings suck!

Sai: Whatever.

Kaline: (points behind Sai) Hey look, a penis!

Sai: Where? (turns around looking for it)

Kaline: (slaps his ass really hard) ;D (then proceeds to pinch his buttcheeks)

Sai: WTF?! Stop that!

Kaline: Sai... Are you gay?

Sai: No!

Kaline: (rolls eyes)

Sai: That's it, you're making me mad! (takes out scroll and scribbles down an ink drawing, then makes it attack Kaline)

Kaline: (spashes water on drawing, making the ink run)

Sai: ...

Kaline: Man, I knew your drawings were ugly... But that one is like REALLY ugly... Wow! You must be gay, because you're really good at sucking!

Sai: I will get you back for this, Kaline! (leaves)

Kaline: We shall see who has the last laugh... BWAHAHAHA!

Itachi: (watching all this from behind some bushes) Now THAT is my kind of woman! (growls)

Kaline: Huh? Who said that? (shrugs) Oh well... While I'm in Konoha... I've always wanted to meet Kakashi! Wait, who am I talking to? (runs up to Kakashi)

Kakashi: Can I help you?

Kaline: Hi! :D

Kakashi: I'm not sure who you are... But yeah hi.

Kaline: So... What's this I hear about the relationship between you and Iruka?

Kakashi: There is NO WAY I would ever be with him. We're friends, and our "relationship" is strictly professional.

Kaline: Suuuure it is... (winks and gives him a curious stare)

Iruka: (happens to walk by, not looking at them)

Kaline: (loudly) So... A scarecrow and a dolphin... How the hell do you make that work, exactly?

Kakashi: (getting mad, scowls at her)

Iruka: (pouts, then blushes and walks away)

Kaline: (glomps Kakashi) Are you Jareth in disguise? You know, from Labyrinth? Because if you are, I think you're hot! :D

Kakashi: Uhm, no... (pries her off)

Kaline: Are you sure? Because I swear you could pass for him. With those mismatched eyes, and the crazy oddly spikey hair... No? Or maybe that's why you wear the mask! Yes, of course... It's to hide your true identity! Plus, you're arrogant just like him. So yep, you're definetely Jareth.

Kakashi: WTF?! No!

Kaline: (pats his head) There, there... I think you make an excellent Goblin King, Jareth... So... Did you become gay because things didn't work out with Sarah?

Kakashi: I have no idea who these people are!

Kaline: (points at him and laughs)

Kakashi: Huh?? Did I miss something?

Kaline: Probably... -.- Hey Kakashi... Where do you live?

Kakashi: (points to apartment) Just over there. I was actually on my way home when- Stop, where are you going?! You stay away from there!

Kaline: (is already halfway to his apartment, where she breaks in using a special fangirl jutsu, Fangirl-no-Jutsu) Let's see... Where does he keep his masks? Here they are! :D (steals all his masks) Let's see him try to hide his real face NOW!

Kakashi: (panting because he just ran up all those stairs) No, wait... Damn it, where'd she go? And where are my masks?!

Kaline: (pops out of closet) Hi sensei!

Kakashi: I am not your sensei... (glares at her) Where are my masks?

Kaline: (pries his mask off and proceeds to paint his face black)

Kakashi: (looks in mirror) What the hell did you do to me?! Ack!

Kaline: Trust me, it's an improvement. I like your new look Jareth! Painted on masks are all the rage nowadays... You really should get with the times, silly Goblin King!

Kakashi: Riiiiiiight... (thinking she's crazy) So, are you leaving now or...?

Kaline: Right, I have to go find other Ninjas to annoy. But first, I want to ask you a question, sir.

Kakashi: Uh, sure.

Kaline: Great! So do you have a thing for Jiraiya? I mean, you're always reading those dirty Yaoi books he writes... XD

Kakashi: You mean Icha Icha? Those aren't yaoi, they're-

Kaline: (interrupting) Ya know, Iruka's gonna be maaaaaaad! ;D Just wait til he hears about this! Teehee! (runs out of the apartment before Kakashi can kill her with his sharingan)

Kakashi: (sighs and goes to wash off his face)

Kaline: (outside) Now let's see... Who else can I annoy...? (sees Neji and Kankuro walking together, discussing something) Neji! Hey, remember me?! :D

Neji: Oh god, no!! (runs)

Kaline: NO MORE PALMS!! LOL!!

Kankuro: Uh... er... he's gone now.

Kaline: I knows it. Don't bother me. That's MY job!

Kankuro: Ok...

Kaline: (grabs his puppet scroll off his back and summons them all) Fangirl-no-jutsu!!

Kankuro: Stop, wait! What are you doing?!

Kaline: Eheheheh... Now, let's see... (places them all in compromising positions, i.e.: humping each other)

Kankuro: Don't do that! People are staring!

Kaline: Not yet... (ties all his puppets strings together so they stay that way, except for Crow Now... places Crow's hand around his crotch area and takes a deep breath) GAI-SENSEI!!

Kankuro: (flinches and covers his ears)

Gai: The power of youth compelled me to come over when you called me! What is it, Kaline?!

Kaline: How do you know who I am?

Gai: Are you kidding?! I'm a fan!

Kaline: Great. Well, your boyfriend is back in town... And I got him all nice and ready for you! :D

Gai: (finally notices the puppet) Crow?! It's been so long since I saw you last! I missed you so much! (hugs him with crushing force, telletubbies style) BIG HUG!!

Kankuro: Uh... Could I have my puppet back, please?

Gai: Crow doesn't love you, he loves me! MEEEEEEEEE!!

Kaline: (points to Gai) He's right. Have fun, Gai-sensei!

Gai: (hurries off with the puppet, taking it back to his place for some "fun")

Kankuro: Why did you do that?! WTF?! No! I need him back!

Kaline: Well he loves Gai-sensei. But he'll be back later... All nice and lubed up... So no worries! ;D Besides, it's the only way Gai can get laid. Anyway... I hear your idol is Japetto. You know, the lonely old puppet maker? From Pinnochio?

Kankuro: (blushes under his makeup) Uhm, no...

Kaline: Well, your new nickname can be "Ja-pedo"! That sounds appropriate. XD

Kankuro: WHAT?!

Kaline: So to do the play we will need someone to be Pinnochio... Oh, perfect! I got it! Alright, you wait here Kankuro. And if you don't, you won't get your puppet back...

Kankuro: WTF?! What play?! Play what?! No!

Itachi: (has collapsed in a fit of laughter from behind the bushes)

Kaline: (pulls Itachi out from back there by his ear)

Itachi: Ow, hey! How did you know I was watching- I mean, I wasn't watching you...

Kaline: Sure... Well hey if you don't mind I need a favor, 'Tachi-kun!

Itachi: I'm afraid to ask what it is...

Kaline: Watch Kankuro for a few minutes, while I go get... someone. I need two more people for the play, okies?

Itachi: Hn. It's not what I thought... But okies- er, I mean okay Kaline.

Kaline: Right, and if he moves, you can kill him. Now be a good boy while I'm gone, Ja-pedo!

Kankuro: ...

Kaline: (rushes off to go find Sasori)

Sasori: (is doing Deidara's hair when she walks in the Akatsuki lair)

Kaline: I'm heeeeeeeere! WHEEEEEE!!

Sasori and Deidara: Huh?!

Kaline: Hi Dei-dei! I would use you, but I need your redhead friend there this time, if you don't mind...

Deidara: (ignores her) I hate how she portrays me in her fics, Sasori-danna! Don't go with her, un!

Kaline: He has no choice! Fangirl-no-Jutsu!! (kidnaps Sasori)

Sasori: Put me down, or I'll poison you!

Kaline: Too bad, we're already in konoha...

Sasori: How did you manage that?

Kaline: I'm the writer, I can do wahtevr I want! ;D Even typos like that one! (points to where it says "wahtevr")

Sasori: Why am I here?

Kaline: We're putting on a puppet show, and we need you! You'll be working with Kankuro here...

Kankuro: (gives deathglare to Sasori and mutters something about poison...)

Sasori: (growls angrily at Kankuro and Kaline)

Itachi: Don't even think about it, she's MINE!! Er, I mean... If you hurt her, I have orders to kill you both...

Kaline: Right, so Kankuro, you're playing the part of Ja-pedo, the lonely horny old puppet maker... Sasori, that's where you come in. You're Pin-poke-io!

Sasori: You mean Pinnochio? I've heard that joke so many times before, it's lost it's effect...

Kaline: No, I mean Pin-poke-io! You'll see what I mean! Oh wait I forgot one of the most important persons!

Itachi: You mean people, Kaline.

Kaline: (hugs him) Right, "people"! I knew that! So where is Sasuke? He has to play the part of Jiminy...

Itachi: My brother is with Orochimaru, so he's not here. But why does he have to be the cricket-thing?

Kaline: Because an emo conscience would be funny?

Kankuro: MY brother is emo too...

Kaline: OMG! (getting ideas for Yaoi between Kankuro and Itachi) You two have something in common! But yeah there will be time for that later on... I have to go find Sasuke. 'Tachi, can you watch them for me again? (whines) pwease?

Itachi: Uh, sure...

Kaline: YAY! (rushes over to Orochimaru's lair)

Orochimaru: (tries to kill Kaline) I do not tolerate fangirlssssssssss!

Kaline: (rolls eyes) Is your penis a snake too? The world is dying to know!

Orochimaru: What?! (jaw drops)

Kaline: What? Well we do wonder sometimes... Ya know? Oh yeah, is Sasuke here? I need to... wait!

Orochimaru: ?

Kaline: Why are you evil?

Orochimaru: I'm not.

Kaline: Why do you molest Sasuke?

Orochimaru: I don't.

Kaline: Is it because Kabuto wasn't enough for you?

Orochimaru: No, it's becau- Wait, I don't molest him!

Kaline: Damn right, you better not, because THAT is Itachi's job... And Sakura's... And mine! XD Pretty much everyone has had a piece BUT you. Does that make you angry?

Orochimaru: Ye- NO!

Kaline: (rolls eyes) Hmm... Riiiiight. So who does your makeup?

Orochimaru: No one, it's not makeup!

Kaline: Suuuuuure it isn't! ;) (tries to wash off the purple lines)

Orochimaru: Ouch! Stop that!

Kaline: It's not coming off! D: Oh I know! (uses spit to clean is face) Still didn't work! Damn, what is that stuff?! Ya know what? Nevermind, don't tell me... But you CAN tell me why you're evil!

Orochimaru: I'm not evil...

Kaline: MWAHAHAHAHA!! What do you want?

Orochimaru: I have no idea... Wait, you came here for something.

Kaline: (taps his shoulder)

Orochimaru: (turns around) Huh what?

Kaline: (stares deeply into his eyes)

Orochimaru: (licks his lips and looks at her)

Kaline: (still staring) So... Have you ever played golden axe?

Orochimaru: WTF is that?! No!

Kaline: (shrugs) Hey will you teach me how to do the tongue thing? I want to learn it...

Orochimaru: Well, it goes like this: (does the tongue thing)

Kaline: (leers suggestively and begins making perverted comments about it)

Orochimaru: What?! No, it's not used for THAT! And you people call me a perv...

Kaline: Well I'm off to find Sasuke.

Orochimaru: Okay, have fun Kaline! Wait a second, get back here! You're not allowed in there!

Kaline: (busts into Sasuke's bedroom where he is sleeping and proceeds to shake him awake)

Sasuke: Huh, what is it Oro-Tachi?

Kaline: O.O

Sasuke: Huh, what what do you want?

Kaline: We're doing a play in Konoha, and we need you! It's urgent, Sasuke! Hurry!

Sasuke: Well... Wait, what?

Kaline: Did I mention your brother is gonna be there? (sees that Sasuke is uninterested) Your broth-er... You know, the sexy one that you just adore! Come on, SasUKE let's not keep him waiting now...

Sasuke: But I hate my brother...

Kaline: Well uh... Come on anyway!

Sasuke. -.- No!

Kaline: (whines) But Sasukeeeee, we're doing a playyyyy! A playyyyy, Sasuke! And you have to be JIMINYYYY-YYY-YYYYY!! .

Sasuke: (sighs) K, fine. (it's secretly his dream to play Jiminy Cricket)

Kaline: Great, let's go! Wait, you're already dressed? You wear your clothes to bed?

Sasuke: You try living with a snake perv, and you would too!

Kaline: Or would I...?

Sasuke: (raises an eyebrow) Are you serious? I so did not need to know that...

Kaline: In any case, come on!

Orochimaru: (sitting on couch watching TV)

Kaline: Hey Oro, before we leave... Can you switch it to the channel where the Jerry Springer show is supposed to come on in about an hour?

Orochimaru: Why an hour?

Kaline: JUST DO IT!

Orochimaru: (winces) Okay okay, fine!

Kaline: Thank you! (she and Sasuke leave)

Sasuke: This isn't the way to Konoha...

Kaline: Oh, we're going to make a short pit stop first... (calls Itachi's cell phone) Yeah, hi 'Tachi...

Sasuke: Is that my brother? (glares) -.-

Kaline: No, no. Of course not, Sasuke. (keeps talking to Itachi on phone) Yeah, anyway 'Tachi... I need you to take everyone inside, and have them watch the Jerry Springer show. Yes, now. Thanks sweetie-cakes! K, byes! No, you hang up first. (giggles) No, you! Ya silly! XP

Sasuke: O.o

Kaline: That was a private conversation, Sasuke. It's not polite to listen in... Oh hey look! (points to jerry Springer building) We're here!

Sasuke: Yeah but... WHY are we here, Kaline?

Kaline: Because... Well, you'll see. We got to go backstage now, the show starts in five minutes! (they rush backstage and the show starts)

Jerry: Hi, today we'll be talking to Sai, from Konoha, who claims that he is Naruto's "new bitch"... So Naruto, any comments about that?

Naruto: Well yeah... Sai IS my bitch... And I can prove it! He likes to be covered in whipped cream, and spanked by a midget! And sometimes, we... (goes on to describe a really long list of kinks the guy has)

Sai: NO WAY! (comes out from backstage) Naruto! You said you wouldn't tell anyone about that!

Kaline: (watching from backstage with Sasuke) You mean he actually IS Naruto's bitch?! D:

Sasuke: (spits out coffee) O.O Oh HELL NO!!

Jerry: Alright Sai, now settle down. No one watches this show... Just looks at the ratings! So Naruto, how did you and Sai meet?

Naruto: Well, first he tried to kill me! And then later that day he asked if he could draw me naked. Of course I agreed, and well... here we are.

Sai: (blushing) Naruto-kun...

Jerry: Well that's all well and good, but as we all know there are no happy endings on Jerry Springer. So let's move on to our surprise guest, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto's "old bitch"!

Sasuke: (spits out more coffee) O.O WTF?! NO!! (runs out onto the stage)

Kaline: You'd think he'd learn to stop drinking the coffee back here... But no! He just keeps on...

Jerry: Well apparently, Sasuke you are Naruto's old bitch, am I correct?

Sasuke: -.- ...No.

Naruto: He's lying.

Sai: Naruto...? WHY?! T.T

Kaline: (sitting backstage laughing)

Jerry: Well, as a special gift to you, Sai... We've signed you up for lamaze classes... You get one week free, and the rest will cost you... 567,493,288,463,129,285,395,006,485,334,204,005,395,938,537,502,842,908,590,498,550 dollars!! Isn't that GREAT?! (evil laugh)

Sai: WHAT?! Naruto, I'LL KILL YOU!

Naruto: (gulps) K-Kaline did it... (points backstage)

Sai: KALINE!! GRRRRR!!

Kaline: (grabs Sasuke on her way out and drags him back to Konoha, where everyone is waiting to start the play)

Sasuke: Okay, if I'm gonna do this, where's my costume?

Kaline: (hands him a headband with two green paper antennae on it) There ya go, all set! What? It's a low-budget play, deal with it! Okay, places, everyone!

Itachi: Go stand over there, next to Ja-pedo, little brother...

Sasuke: I am not listening to YOU! (pouts) I'm the REAL Jiminy, screw off!

Kaline: (is doodling in a notebook as the play is going on)

Sai: (goes through the crowd angrily searching for Kaline)

Itachi: (sits next to her) Kaline, what are you doing?

Kaline: Oh, just drawing...

Itachi: Is that a penis?

Kaline: No... (looks onstage to see Ja-pedo getting raped by pin-poke-io) Guys, stop that! That's not in the script! D:

Itachi: (goes to join in, but rapes "Jiminy" instead) I'm a happy 'Tachi now! /.\

Sasuke: ;0 Help me...

(the audience which is all of Konoha cheers and claps)

Kaline: Oh, hi Sai... I found your notebook. You must have left it backstage during Jerry Springer. So what happened? Did you go to your lamaze classes already? You wouldn't want to be late... It could help your labor a lot when you go, you know...

Sai: I will kill you, bitch! I so do NOT need lamaze classes! And Naruto is MY bitch, not the other way around... (opens his notebook to draw more things to attack her)

Kaline: (loudly) OMG Sai, you little perv! Is that a PENIS in YOUR notebook?! D:

Sai: I- I didn't draw this... Kaline, it was you! You're the one who had my notebook! (people are staring at him)

Kaline: (points) It's YOUR notebook, and you're the one holding it... You drew it! And wow, it's really an ugly penis too... I told you your drawings were ugly. XD

Sai: ...

Naruto: (pulls Sai off to the side) So why don't you use your jutsu on that drawing, and we'll have some fun with it. Hmm?

Sai: No way, Naruto. And I didn't draw this, she-

Jiraiya: (glomps Kaline) That wad the best play I have ever seen! And it has inspired me to write so much more!

Kaline: Glad to be of help Jiraiya... So what got you into fanfiction anyway?

Jiraiya: Uchihacest, of course...

(everyone laughs in unison)

Kaline: Of course.

Sasuke: (still with Itachi onstage) Yes, yes! :p OH YAY-ES!! x.x

Kaline: (passes out earplugs to everyone, and sweatdrops) Sorry, sorry... Gomenasai!

Sai: (yells at her from beneath Naruto) Don't yell my name, that's Naruto's job!

Sasuke: (climbs off stage and bitch slaps Sai) No, that's MY job!

Itachi: Sasuke, come back! T/.\T

Kaline: I'm still here, 'Tachi!

Itachi: /.\

THE END

Naruto: (points at Itachi) OMG he SMILED! Did you see that?! DATTEBAYO!! O.O

Kaline: Naruto...

Naruto: What?

Kaline: Shush, it's the end of the story-type-thing now. So yeah...

Naruto: But... I...

Sai and Sasuke: (playing tug of war with Naruto) HE'S MINE!!

Itachi and Jiraiya: (doing the same to Kaline) SHE'S MINE!!

Jiraiya: I don't want her for THAT, Itachi! I just need her brilliant mind to help me write more Icha-Icha books!

Itachi: Too bad, we're busy. Why don't you get Naruto to help you?

Jiraiya: Because I don't like writing Peewee Herman and Barney crossovers, that's why!

Itachi: O/.\O Oh god, I'm scarred for life! X/.\X

Kaline: Okay, shows over, nothing left to see here, bye bye everybody! (drags Itachi's unconscious body away with her as she leaves) :D

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**A/N: Well THAT was weird... This started out as me trying to do a list of how to annpoy the Naruto characters... but as you can see, it didn't work out that way. IDK how the hell I make this up, I really don't... Well anyway, I'm not going to put mature filter, b/c I don't think it REALLY needs it but if you disagree let me know and I will add mature for this, okay? I used a lot of references to things in here, so I hope no one is offended! If you are, well that is what the warnings are for! I got as silly as possible with this... XD Hope you had a good laugh, I couldn't even write it with a straight face... Or a gay face, for that matter. XDDD Gosh, I'm still full of bad puns and lame jokes. O.O There may or may not be a part 2...**

**-Kaline Reine**


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